If you answered Wet Hot American Summer, smack yourself upside the head a few times to attempt to erase the misery.
Saw this last night on cable. It was so awe-inspiringly bad that I couldn't turn it off. It kept getting worse. It hit bottom so often and so early and kept right on digging.
It was, I guess, an homage to Meatballs. Or perhaps it was meant as a parody of Meatballs. No matter. It was so far beyond parody that it was approaching the pain threshold. And, in my wife, passed it.
There was the drama of could Niles and Janeane Garofalo (oh, sorry, did I forget to mention that she was in this mess too?) save the camp by, can't make this shit up, utilizing a garbage can and a metal colander to redirect Skylab so it landed harmlessly in a field. (This monstrosity of banality was set in 1981...not sure why unless they just really really wanted to make you think Meatballs throughout the whole damn thing) Yes, Skylab. See, Skylab was plummeting to earth and was going to flatten the talent show (the highlight of which was, I suppose, meant to be the 'fat kid' (there's always a 'fat kid') lighting a fart. (what, you're not laughing yet?)
There was also Molly Shannon's final scene where her and a camper walked off towards their wedding. Sweet, no?
The camper was 12. ("You can do that?" Michael Jackson said.)
At least she didn't have to film a 'love' scene with him as another of the adult counselors got to do with the aforementioned 'fat kid.' ("You can do that?" Michael Jackson said.)
I could actually sense brain cells dying during this movie. One by one, comitting suicide.
It reminded me of those crappy made-for-NBC movies which always seem to have John Laroquette teaching driving in a high school somewhere. But in this movie they got to say the word 'Fuck' a lot. No nudity, lots of swearing.
It was the last day of summer camp. It was the first day of the third week in August.
Damn, two more brain cells just died.
It's amazing how many actors came out of this schlock with careers.
But I feel most sorry for all those struggling screenwriters out there, who know their work could be great if they could just get that one break. Who have struggled for their craft, creating genius unknown and forever unfilmed.
The website says "Meanwhile, viewers were wondering where the "shocking surprise" was! When? Where?"
I actually feel rather sorry for Zach and Adam, both of whom I thought were doing great in the realm of the game of Average Joe.
Now they're probably going to start 'acting' in order to 'compete' with the 'hot' guys. Which will serve to annoy Melana.
The interesting thing is that NBC showed clips from future shows which had Melana making out with some of the 'hot' guys. And she had already said she was 'falling' for 4...Adam and Zach are two. So I assume that the 'hot' guys are the other 2.
Think the producers purposely picked stupid/charmless/personality-impaired 'hot' guys to emphasize the brains v. beauty thing?
Not that the Average Joes are brilliant. It's actually rather irritating in a sense that the producers seem to have decided that a sense of humor is the most important character trait for someone who isn't 'hot.'
The website stopbushin2004 (apparently everything creative was already taken) has a list of '10 Preliminary Actions to Defeat Bush in 2004.' To be honest, they're actually a pretty generic list.
Be Confident Your Vote is Counted
Choose Your Actions
But my personal favorite is #8:
Boycott Bush Donors
Why is that my favorite? Because, they list those companies which 'favor Bush' according to OpenSecrets.
Which means they've put together a handy little list of companies which we should go support.
Of course, the amusing thing is that boycotting these companies isn't really possible as you'll notice. They are companies pretty much everyone buys from at one time or another.
"Oil Companies include: Exxon-Mobil, Chevron-Texaco, and BP-Amoco. Buy gas from Shell or a local facility. Phone companies include Verizon, BellSouth, Sprint, and MCI. AT&T is safe. Tech companies include Ebay, Gateway, and Texas Instruments. Everyday companies include Wal-Mart, Coca Cola products, Pepsi products, Anheuser-Busch products, Hallmark Cards, and Tyson Foods. Transportation companies include Ford, Chrysler, UPS, Fed Ex, Delta, Continental, Southwest, and Enterprise. Safe companies are GM, USPS, American, United, and Northwest. Few financial institutions are safe."
Of course, as far as the oil companies are concerned:
"Avoid the following gas stations - a large part of the oil they purchase comes from the Middle East. Stop funding Islamic terrorism:
EXXON, MOBIL, CHEVRON, TEXACO, SHELL, MARATHON, ARCO, MOTIVA,VALERO, DIAMOND SHAMROCK, ULTRAMAR, SPEEDWAY,CALTEX"
So boycotting Exxon-Mobil and Chevron-Texaco isn't that bad of an idea.
:: Peter 11/20/2003 08:39:00 AM [+] ::
Wouldn't you love a duet with, say, OJ and Robert Blake?
Or Squeaky Fromm and John Hinckley (thanks to Sondheim we have that one)?
Or John Wayne Gacy and Ted Bundy?
Or Hitler and Saddam Hussein, perhaps?
Or, to go from murderers to other criminals, we could have an alleged child molesters duet between Michael Jackson and R. Kelly.
Oh, wait, nevermind...
""One More Chance," the only new song on (Michael Jackson's) "Number Ones" disc, was produced by R. Kelly, whose talent and career are flourishing despite child pornography charges stemming from an alleged encounter with an underage girl."
:: Peter 11/19/2003 05:32:00 PM [+] ::